The Cost Of Getting Dumped | The Financial Diet

Chelsea is here to save you from slipping into a spending spiral after your breakup!

Hi i’m chelsea from the financial diet and today i’m going to be talking about something that’s very sad but yet very important which is breakup chances are most of you have probably been through a breakup at least once so you know firsthand just how much a bad breakup can impact pretty much everything in your life and that means financially too now obviously

In any breakup when you share expenses if you live together have kids together share bills or whatever a breakup financially can be a huge nightmare but when it comes to the emotional side of breakups we find that there’s a huge financial impact there too and nothing will cause you to go into a spending spiral quite like being dumped so we wanted to focus on the

Emotional spending that tends to happen when someone says i don’t want to be with you anymore so one thing that happened to me in my long and storied dating career just kidding was that i was with a guy that i knew it wasn’t really going to work out with long term but i still had a lot of feelings for him and i didn’t want to believe it was over and he dumped me

And the thing about that breakup was that he was older than me he had a good job he had a house he had a good salary and i didn’t have any of those things at the time so i felt super insecure about basically not being good enough and long story short when he dumped me i kind of won on the spending spiral of several hundred dollars of like you know a new haircut

And new clothes and fancy makeup to try and make myself feel more adult and more attractive basically i thought i could buy my confidence and that was definitely money that i did not have at the time and he still didn’t want to date me so yikes and actually our intern here at tfd mary who’s currently a full-time college student and lives with her parents was dumped

Kind of brutally last year by a guy she really loved and she decided whatever screw it and she spent $1,200 on a ticket to dublin ireland to go find herself and keep in mind full-time student living with her parents it doesn’t take a mathematician to realize the $1,200 for a ticket to dublin ireland was probably the worst purchase she could have made she wrote a

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Whole piece on tfd about how much she thoroughly regretted wasting that money and how she didn’t really enjoy the trip because she was too depressed and broke to do anything will link that sob story in the description and between these stories and the stories of so many people around me who’ve gone through seriously bad breakups and spent a ton of money as a result

It’s really occurred to me that there are three key types of break spending to avoid so the first kind of breakup spending is what i call eat pray love spending which is what mary did basically you’re in such a spiritual and emotional hole that you will spend any amount of money or justify any adventure in the interest of not only feeling fulfilled but also gaining

Back that self-confidence a lot of times we feel we really need to spend this money because it gives us a big thing to both mark the end of the relationship and start the new chapter but a much more productive way to channel that energy would be something like a new hobby writing some abused elephant in a tropical location is not going to make you feel better about

Getting dumped the second kind of i just got dumped spending is financial commiserating we’ve all probably been in that situation where you’re feeling so depressed and have such a need to vent that you just call a friend and you’re like come meet me at this place that usually sells like alcohol or cake and just come drown my sorrows with me and listen to me rant

And vent until i feel a little better one big part of having a friend who’s just gotten dumped is that you’re going out budget for the month is going to probably steadily increase because they’ll want to go out every night to distract themselves because otherwise they’ll be sitting at home watching netflix and crying and the third kind of breakup spending is what

I call upgrade spending which is what i did basically this is what happens when your self-confidence has taken a beating and you delude yourself into thinking that if you just change enough elements about yourself overnight this person will magically want you back this can be anything from getting a new haircut or dye job or chic new outfit all the way to moving

Into a new apartment because you want to have a more impressive place it should go without saying but in the insanity of getting dumped it’s easy to forget but there is nothing material that you should change about yourself in order to make someone love you sure there are definitely things we can do in terms of personality but there shouldn’t be anything that you

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Can buy that would make someone want to be with you if you have to spend money in order to get someone back you don’t want to be with them now to combat all of this breakup spiral spending i have one golden rule and three big strategies now the big golden rule when you’re going through a painful breakup and this also goes for a lot of other financial things but

It’s especially important when you get dumped because you’re liable to do crazy stuff is that you have to get the people close to you to hold you accountable that means when you get dumped you have to do the hard thing and tell your close friends and family i have set spending limits for myself if i say oh i want to go out to this restaurant or i want to make this

Big impulse purchase you have to tell me no you have to help remind me of the rules that i’ve set for myself because just because i’m devastated emotionally doesn’t mean i should be devastated financially this can be something as simple as telling your friends you swore no after work happy hours but it has to be something that people can hold you to so once you

Have the golden rule of accountability in place there are really three big strategies to staying financially sane after a breakup one is plan your commiseration at home or around free activities of course you’re going to need to cry and vent and do all of that stuff but plan to do it at home or at a friend’s house with like wine and netflix and popcorn or you know

On a walk bike ride whatever just somewhere where you’re not tempted to constantly spend money number 2 is to give yourself a firm break up budget and to take the rest of your money out of your hands it’s totally human to say okay i’m going through a really tough time i’m going to budget let’s say $100 to do a few fun things that make me feel better like getting

A manicure or going to buy a new dress or going to see a couple movies or whatever it may be but the point is you should take that money out in cash and when you’re going out to spend it don’t take the rest of your money with you even if it means you have to literally freeze your cards it’s better to do that than to go out for a simple treat yourself moment and

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End up spending hundreds of dollars more because you felt so depressed besides as a general financial rule if you identify something and give it its own budget it’s a lot easier to stick to that budget than trying to avoid thinking about it acknowledge that you want to be break up spending and make it within the budget and number three is when you want to spend

Talk when you get dumped there’s going to be a lot of opportunities where you’re overwhelmed with a desire to spend money whether it’s to improve yourself or just to feel a little bit better for a minute over a slice of cake but chances are what you really want in that moment is just to talk and have someone listen to you emotional spending is an outlet but it’s a

Really poor substitute for just a good conversation with someone who loves you so have a couple people on speed-dial who you’ve already given the heads-up that you’re going to be calling kind of a lot and just hit them up every time you have that desire to really spend recklessly you can think of it as your breakup sponsor chances are that nine times out of ten

After you’ve talked to them and maybe even cried a little bit you won’t feel as tempted to go waste money getting dumped devestating there’s no doubt about it but just like every other big blow in life spending money is not a substitute for doing the emotional work to get over it you can either get out of a breakup stronger or you can get out of it with $700 on

Your credit card you don’t recognize the choice is up to you but the first step is just to be honest with yourself so as always thank you for watching and don’t forget to hit the subscribe button and to go to the financial diet calm for more bye

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The Cost Of Getting Dumped | The Financial Diet By The Financial Diet

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